Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
