it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
