He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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