You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
