god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
