so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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