awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
