You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
