People in love make me want to vomit
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
