Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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