He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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