why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
