Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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