like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
