I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
