Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
vagina is talking i cant
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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