On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
