am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
