No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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