Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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