I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Randomize
