She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
