We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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