i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize