they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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