Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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