She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
