Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Drunk is not a location!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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