Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
