Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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