I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
