I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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