and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
