Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
