you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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