Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
