You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
