Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
