I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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