it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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