Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
