i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
