Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
