Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
