Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
