I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
