Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
