I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
