Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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