cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
