what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
