I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
