i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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