pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize