My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
