Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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