he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I could fuck to npr.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
