i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
