I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
