she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just had sex bonerless
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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