i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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