nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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