I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
