On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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