I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
