He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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