The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
