FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
pray to the hookup gods
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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