So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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