ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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