so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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