I just made out with a guy for $7.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
