I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
