Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
