I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
