I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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