Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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