sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
