I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
